Mental Melt Down

Yeah I know. That's not uncommon while pregnant.


But you see...it is for me. I have a habit of bottling my emotions until I've got so much turmoil and emotion inside that it has only one escape route...my tear ducts. Whether out of anger or sadness the tears come.

Today it was because of how lonely I am. I have Matt and I have Elliott, but I have NO friends. Every day I sit at home, on my butt, doing NOTHING. I know what you are all thinking.

"You live in PORTLAND!! Go out for a walk, go to the mall, go say hi to a random stranger" Oh yeah that sounds like a great idea! I'll go introduce myself to someone who could possibly want to kidnap me!! No...I don't like taking lonely walks, and I certanly don't like introducing myself to a possible KRM. (You wouldn't understand even if I told you.)

Besides family, I have one person right now that I talk to regularly and consider a friend, and the moment (See you March 15th!). All others have decided I'm not worth their time, or they are too busy. I've tried and tried, but it's doesn't seem to be working.

So with all these feelings of lonelyness, sadness that I just might not be good enough to be a friend, and anger that I'm too shy to do anything about it, I cried. All over my pillow and Matt's shoulder. He came home for lunch and the break down started when he had to go back to work. I made him late. He didn't care. If I'm going to cry, I'd rather do it in private. No one needs to see my red puffy leaking eyes, or my red puffy leaking nose. (I personally like to cry in the shower, easier clean up) But I was betrayed by my own hormones and ended up bawling right there in front of Matt.


Well, you don't read this to hear me go on and on with the "poor me" crap. So here have a baby update:

26 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: 12 pounds

Maternity clothes? Had to go through my shirts the other day and put most of them away...to tight and like to
show off my belly.

Stretch marks? just my sides and my poor bum, and they've began to creep down my thighs...sigh I look like a road map =(

Sleep: I think I get some between bathroom breaks, but can't be to sure.

Best moment this week: Felt Elliott roll against my hand, totally weird sensation.

Movement: She's getting pretty darn good at it, like to roll now, and punch my bladder.

Food cravings: wouldn't mind an apple. but don't really feel all that hungry all together. (don't worry I still eat)

Gender: Girl!

Labor Signs: Nope, thank goodness!

Belly Button in or out? getting more flat with each passing day.

What I miss: Seafood, and sleeping on my belly, or just sleeping at all...yeah I definatly miss that

What I am looking forward to: June, I want to see her already.

Weekly Wisdom: i'm too tired to share wisdom.

Milestones: 3rd trimester. 2 more weeks!